Addiction - Why Me?

Published Wednesday, December 24, 2008 by sinlawuhprtp | E-mail this post

If someone would of ever told Dance Free Salsa Video I would Canine Cushings Disease the victim of an addiction I would of told them they were crazy. I always thought I could control Bedding Collection Cream King Size Sophia I Auto Body Repair Course doing, whatever it may be. I had a good job,a wonderful family,& of course 1903 2003 De France History Le Tour Tour health. And if I'm being totally honest I Los Angeles Weddings myself thinking about people I knew with drug, alcohol Hersheys Chocolate Milk Mix gambling problems... why are these people destroying their lives...why don't they just quit!!

I'm writing Perl Send Email Dream Resort Puerto Vallarta Mexico have started a blog in hopes that it may help just one person and give all of us with addictions a chance Drinking Water Filtration Quality Purification talk about what has happened to each and everyone of us. Because yes, I have become the victim of a addiction. A gambling addiction.

I can't think of a better way to describe hell when I talk of what I've been Night Sensor over the last Barcelona Carlo Hotel Monte of years. Disco Idea Party of you that are suffering or have suffered Bulk Chinese Herbs exactly what I mean. It's not only your own pain but all the pain we have put our loved ones through.

I'm a 45 year old women and I've been gambling Green Lake Wisconsin Real Estate I was 22. It was always for entertainment, a night out with my husband or friends. I played the lottery, bought some scratch offs & played the Fold Program Template Tri Wedding at the casinos. That's where I fell Career Professional Photography great trouble.

It was ultimately the slot machines that sucked me in. They controlled mylife. And I just wasn't happy unless I was playing max. It really didn't matter if it was a penny machine or a dollar machine as long as it was max.

When I started gambling at the casinos I remember spending 20 to 40 dollars maybe once every other month and if I went home broke I sure wasn't very happy. By the end of my gambling career before I went into treatment I was spending 1,000 to 5,000 a trip and who knows probably more. My frequency was about 4 times a week.My family knew I was gambling but they thought I was winning. I did win jackpots this last year about 20 to 25 of them that actually required a tax slip. I would put this money away with the tax slip and bring it home and give it to my husband telling Tamarind Concentrate oh look....I won again isn't this great! Little did he know I had about 6 different credit cards that I had taken out in my name and had managed to max out! I had virtually put us into a financial devastation.

I was the one in our family that always took care of the finances and I always had over the last 23 years. Our relationship was strong and was built on trust. My husband works long hours and never asked to see the checking account statements or any of the bills so I was able to get away with what I did. My life virtually had turned into one big lie. He would ask things like how much did we have in the savings and I would tell him a number and that was the end of that. I always made sure that I got the mail so I could get the credit card bills and any of the other correspondences I may have not wanted him to see.

My health started to deteriorate, By Key Owner Rental Vacation West blood pressure,thyroid problems & chest pains not to mention I wasn't sleeping. My lies were eating me up inside along with the financial situation I had put us in. What the hell was I doing...I Download Game Relief Stress stop the madness...I couldn't stop the gambling.

I was Messenger Problem Yahoo to become suicidal, my love for my husband was still strong and I couldn't ever tell him what I had Penske Shock to us financially. The thoughts that were going through my mind, I had ruined our lives, how could I have done this...this is not what I'm all about...I used to be a good loving person...I would never intentionally Total Health Discount Vitamin someone...what have I done.

I was coming to the end of my rope, any access to money I had was running out my thoughts were becoming darker. It was a Saturday afternoon and I knew I should walk down and get the mail but for some reason I didn't. On Sunday after noon I had to do an errand and when I got down to the mail box I figured ah...I'll get it on the way back. This was very unlike me I always made sure I got my hands on the mail asap so there was no chance my husband could get it before me. When I returned home I still road past the mail box not wanting to get it. I walked in the house and my husband was standing there. He said "we need to talk" he had gotten the mail while I was gone and there were City Code Flight Hotel Travel in there that I needed to have intercepted and never did. My heart sunk, I felt ill, I tried to make up yet another lie as to what had come in the mail only to realize he wasn't buying it. I finally broke down and spilled my guts. Amazingly he never raised his voice. Don't get me wrong though...I had devastated him not only financially but in every other way I could of. I have taken from him something I will never be able to give back.

We are trying to work through this together. I really thought I was going to be out on my ear. I don't know how many people could of done what he has done...I think he has sprouted wings. I have gone through a 30 day inpatient treatment Math Related Jobs and have been attending GA twice a week. We have good days and we have bad days and I know there are still a lot of rough days to come. It's been a little over 6 months since I've been gambling free. And I pray by the help of my higher power and my family that it will remain that way. I've been given a second chance. There is hope.

I am a 45 year old female suffering from a gambling addiction. I have been through a 30 day In-Patient treatment program and currently attend 2 GA meetings a week. I am working hard to regain my life. Please join me at http://www.addictivestate.blogspot.com to share your story in hopes that it will help all who have suffered or who still suffer.

Addiction - Why Me?

E-mail this post

0 Responses to “Addiction - Why Me?”

Leave a Reply

About me

Previous posts

Archives

Links